


all that could have been

by spandex_shorts



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, Minor Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Sad time, god their relationship was so sad, sorry - Freeform, this is just for me, this is my first fanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:21:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spandex_shorts/pseuds/spandex_shorts
Summary: "Mara?""Yes, Hope?""What is this 'love' you speak of?""Love is...pain, and happiness. And warmth."this ship destroyed mealso there's gonna be more when I have time
Relationships: Light Hope/Mara (She-Ra)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33





	1. memories of you

**Author's Note:**

> there's another chapter coming later today because I'm trash for this ship and I have a ton of free time

Light Hope stands in the middle of the Crystal Castle. Alone. As she should be. _Mara betrayed everyone_ , she reminds herself. _She was a threat to the mission. In accordance with orders, she had to be terminated. Erased. **Killed.**_ Her sensors are telling her Adora is here now. She can't bring herself to care. So she gives herself back up to her programming, and drowns the spark in her system.

* * *

This is a glitch. It must be. Because there, in front of her, is...her. "I cannot converse with myself. It is logically impossible. Who are you?" The strange version of her speaks. "Who is that, Mara?" Light Hope turns around, about to argue that this cannot be real, but then she sees the impossible. Mara. Not She-Ra, no longer burned and broken and dying. She is whole, healthy, and... _happy_. "What're you talking about, Hope? You sure your processors are alright? Or, whatever it is you run on anyways..." The impossible illusion breaks off into a strange fit of snorting and fairly violent exhaling. Peculiar. Light Hope just stands there, and she wonders if Mara is talking to her after all, because she feels...warm. Perhaps one of her fans has gone offline again. It always did seem to happen whenever Mara made that noise. _Laughter_ , she reminds herself. _She was not 'laughing' at the end. Because of what the programming did. What I did._ That is odd. Light Hope _is_ the programming. She is programmed to obey orders, and so was Mara. But Mara's programming was overwritten, somehow. Perhaps her code was faulty. But deep down, Light Hope knows that Mara was never programmed, only trained. And some part of her that has not spoken for a thousand years begins to think that Mara was right. _This is incorrect. Another glitch._ They were happening more frequently now, seeing another She-Ra. So she shut down, rebooted, and deleted. Just like she was programmed to do.

* * *

"You are distracted, Adora." The girl in question huffs a strand of blonde hair out of her face before throwing down the Sword of Protection(NOTE: object=key; secondaryDefinition.add; Data.store) and collapsing onto the floor. "Are you alright, Adora? Your vitals are not fluctuating, yet your physical state could easily be mistaken for unconsciousness." Adora sighs again, and says "How am I supposed to fight Catra when I can't even take down a few spiders?" Light Hope feels something almost resembling exasperation. "You are always speaking of this 'Catra'. Why is she so important to you? You have stated that she is an enemy, yet you seem to feel otherwise." Adora suddenly sits up, and Light Hope notes that her heart rate has dramatically increased. Interesting. Is this a common occurrence?(NOTE: Obs.log; Data.store) Adora seems to forget proper grammatical structure for a few moments, flushing bright red as she says "No! I mean, no, I just...never mind. You wouldn't understand. Catra's...different." Confused, Light Hope asks "Is she a friend, then? Was there an added dimension to your interpersonal relationship? I do not understand." Sighing again(she does appear to do that often), Adora tells her to "shove it". "Query not recognized. Searching logs."

(NOTE: term is already defined. Data.access-ERROR. file unavailable. query tagged as involving "Mara". NOTE: file.access; SOURCECODE.changeb3ln10679/35..."shove it"-not literal. informal phrase, used most often in frustration, in an attempt to avoid a sensitive topic. hypothesized originator: Mara

* * *


	2. glitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Why are you in my head, betrayer?"  
>  "Come on, Hope, you know the truth."  
> "No. I do not. You are a glitch."  
> "Maybe so. But only because they took me away."_
> 
> Light Hope tries to figure out the glitches in her system, and all of them involve a girl with loving eyes, flowers, and _warmth_.  
> Adora, meanwhile, is trying to deal with everything Catra took with her. 
> 
> This is kinda an AU, cause the timeframe is a bit murky, but it's sometime around season 4?

It's dark here, in the middle of the Crimson Wastes. Mara's ship glows softly in the moonlight. Faint, a shadow of what it was. Just like Mara. Mara. The girl Adora will never know, and the only one who could possibly understand everything that's in her head. Except for one thing, the only thing that keeps holding her back. _No_ , she thinks. _That's cruel. You know it's not true._ But isn't it? Catra activated that portal. Catra had invaded Brightmoon. Held her friends hostage. Left her. But even after everything that's happened, a nagging voice in the back of her head keeps reminding her that _she_ left Catra first. "I just wanted you to come with me. I didn't want to choose. But this is for the greater good, isn't it?" She breaks out of her stupor and realizes she's in the ship again. In front of Mara's chair. Alone. Because she left Catra, and now Catra is gone. Just like Mara. Just like everybody else.

* * *

 _This is not a logical choice._ She knows it isn't because Mara's memory is standing in front of her. Smiling. Laughing. Not Mara, the betrayer. Mara, the woman who died so the others could live. The woman she killed. Because when She-Ra died, so did Mara. The one who brought her flowers because she thought she'd be lonely. The one who she asked about everything she was never programmed to know. The one who loved everything beautiful in the world. The one who died for it, even when she didn't want to. She still remembers Mara's last words to her. Before the programming took over. Before they took everything from her by making her destroy the things she was supposed to protect. "I love you, Hope. I always have. But this isn't right. And you know it." Mara was standing in front of her, determined. Her sword in her hand. And Light Hope knew, somehow, that this was the end. Mara left before she could say anything else. before she could say her last words to the girl who gave her flowers and illogical sentiments and warmth. Light Hope watches as the projection of her past self stiffens, and stands taller. And in that memory, while she is unable to do anything but watch, her eyes glow white and Mara is gone. The Crystal Castle is cold without her light. "You broke me, Mara. You have disrupted my code."

(NOTE: aberration.log; Data.store; LightHope.systemmemory.OVERRIDE-ERROR: LightHope.system is resisting. command.overwrite; var:Mara.store)

* * *

"Adora, you are once again distracted. You must empty your mind of all that stands in your way. I am not programmed to allow another She-Ra to fail." Adora groans, and ignores Light Hope again. "Can't I train against something else? I'm tired of _spiders_." "I do not understand. Would you like me to change their appearance?" Interesting. "Does this have anything to do with the soldier you call 'Catra'?" Light Hope already knows the answer. She is just like Mara, she thinks. Adora just sighs, and responds with a halfhearted "Sure".(NOTE: bot.Appearance.alter; bot.Appearance.select3; L7.Begin) Suddenly, Adora gasps. Around them, raining from the ceiling, are flowers. Orange, pink, purple. Fluttering slowly in a breeze long forgotten. Confused, Light Hope searches for the source of the error. "Apologies, Adora. This is an error. Someone in the past tampered with my code." "Who?" Adora asks. "I thought you were the only one who could, unless you gave them access..." Her name hangs in the air, and neither one of them is strong enough to say it. "She always did express a certain fondness for the objects called flowers. I never understood." "I love them," Adora whispers. She probably thinks Light Hope can't hear her. But she does. A recollection of warmth flashes to the front of her memory banks. "Your training for today is over, Adora. I hope to see you return tomorrow." Adora leaves, and the flowers keep falling. Endless. Like they were supposed to be. "You loved the flowers, Mara. I have not forgotten."

(NOTE: bot.Appearance3.delete: code breached-ERROR: LightHope.system is resisting. bot.Appearance3.log; Data.store)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there it is, i guess? see ya tomorrow, probably
> 
> also this is unedited I just really wanted to continue it


	3. not a chapter but something else??

so...I made a playlist? it's on spotify, and the link is here:

[here it is!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/51AR58rBjncrJhng2KjJbO?si=J_67NmTsT32M4gkeL_6eNg)

I just really wanted to make them a playlist, there was only one I could find, and it didn't go in chronological order. mine does now, after some organizing, and covers the time from when they first started feeling these things called "emotions"(terrifying) to Mara's death and Light Hope's reprogramming(though I maintain that Light Hope was fighting her programming the whole way through, and never truly forgot Mara, she just managed to shine through in certain instances). It also includes the period of time when Light Hope was waiting for those thousand years, and then her death and reunion with Mara, for good this time. Enough with my head canons, have a great day, and thanks for reading this thing, I wasn't expecting anyone to! It's my first time writing, so...sorry


	4. beacons in the night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is?? this is kinda a filler, but I feel like I needed to see how Adora felt about Catra, even if it was just for me

Light Hope brings her flowers. Of course, they aren’t real, per se, but that never seems to matter to Mara. Light Hope watches as the two of them stand in a rain of holographic petals, just as Mara described. _Always rather excited about one thing or another._ That day, it had been the flower festival in the kingdom called Plumeria. Mara had gone on and on, her cheeks flushed and eyes shining in a way Light Hope had never thought possible. “Hope, there were so many! The ground was covered in them, for miles! And the queen, she used her magic to make it rain flowers, Hope! Can you believe it?” The memory of herself responded with a simple “Yes. I can certainly see how that is possible, given the information you have acquired for me about the powers of these...princesses.” Mara had just laughed at her. Even thousands of years later, through a faded, glitching hologram, Light Hope could her just how alive she was. _That is illogical. She_ was _alive at that time._ But as she watched her past self transform the room into the flowers that brought Mara so much joy, Light Hope couldn’t help but feel that Mara had been alive in a way that no other being could.

* * *

“You aren’t here.” Adora rubbed her eyes again, standing in her room in Bright Moon. “Hey, Adora,” Catra repeated. “How are you?” Adora stayed silent. This is a trick. She isn’t here. “Come on, Adora, you know you actually want me to be here. So come on, talk to me. Or do you really hate me as much as I hate you?” Catra laughed, and leaned against the pillar next to Adora’s bed. “Catra, I don’t hate you! I-” She broke off, and shot upright. “I never did. I never can. Catra, I-” She was cut off by Catra’s high pitched chuckle, still the same even after all these years. “ _There it is_ , princess. That’s why you’ll never get rid of me. That’s why I’m here every night, isn’t it?” Catra slowly walked over to her bed, as Adora sat there, frozen. “Catra, stay, please,” Catra laughed, and started to fade along with the rest of her bedroom. “Bye, Adora. You know, you’re even more pathetic when you’re dreaming about me.”

* * *

By her internal clock, it was exactly 5 hours, 32 minutes, and 14 seconds past Etherian midnight. She was currently on low power mode, saving her now limited power for whenever Adora next came. _Odd. My sensors indicate Adora is here_. She detected the sound of boots running down the halls of the Crystal Castle at top speed. She flickered to life in front of a disheveled Adora, curious about this deviation in schedule. “Light Hope,” Adora started, apparently breathless. “Yes, Adora? That is my given name.” Adora ignored her. “Light Hope, I have a question for you,” she panted, suddenly drawing up to her full height, looking as though she were about to give some grand speech. _A query for me. Interesting_. But as she opened her databanks about Etherian magic, Adora asked the one question Light Hope was incapable of answering. “What’s _love_ , Light Hope?”


	5. Chapter 5

_Love._ It's a noun. A strong affection for someone, wether they're family, friends, or a significant other. An attachment. Affection. Tenderness. Weakness. Dimly, she hears Adora call her name, waiting for her to answer. Her brain spins with words, sensations, definitions, memories. Memory and programming collide, and dozens of logic circuits light up in a sudden frenzy of blinking lights. The lights flicker once, twice. There's someone standing next to her, she remembers. Turning, she speaks. "Mara, I have a query for you. It may prove...useful." Mara's there, and not there, and she's speaking even through the veil of death. "Love is...pain. And happiness. And warmth. It's...something you can't describe, but as soon as you feel it, you know. You just...know." Mara's eyes open. "Hope, I-" A glitch. Mara freezes, her image pixelating. Breaking, falling back into air and code and forgotten memories of flowers and laughter and warmth. _I loved her. I loved her. I loved Mara, and she loved me. And I knew it. And then...she was gone._ She blinks. For the second time in her existence, she collapses to the floor, more human than ever even as her hands fade into air. And the entire Castle goes dark. 

* * *

Adora is still there, impervious to everything that's going on in Light Hope's head. All she catches is a whispered "Mara", and then the Castle goes dark. So she runs. It's true, then. She can't even say _what's_ true. She just knows that whatever it is, it's true. She collapses against a tree, overwhelmed. _I don't want to see her again. Please._ But of course, she shows up anyways. "Always the rebel, aren't you?" Catra just chuckles, brushing off Adora's halfhearted insult. "I know why I'm here, princess. The only difference is, now _you_ do too." "I-" Adora can't even muster up the strength to lie. "I've seen what happens to the people who fall in love. It's like...like what happened to Mara. Light Hope, she-she helped _kill_ her, even though they were in love. **Why?** Why can't love be enough?!" She's sobbing now, her body shaking as she collapses further into herself. Through a haze, she senses that Catra's sitting next to her now. "You know why...why I can't. I don't want to hurt you, I made a promise! You...you promised too, Catra. When did that stop mattering to you? You hurt me, and I still love you in my dreams. But I _can't_ , not once we wake up." Catra's gone. The sun is rising, and Adora is broken. And Light Hope is shattered. Because they both know what comes with love.

Yin and Yang. Life and Death. Love and Pain. When the sun rises, the flowers bloom. But once it sets, how do you survive the cold?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no editing, my mother didn't raise a coward lol
> 
> also sorry, this is a bit filler-y? I just wanted to post something :) have a great day, and thanks for reading!


	6. not an update!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry I've been away...

Hey guys! I hope you're all staying safe. I wanted to apologize for the silence, yes this story is ongoing, but I'm slammed with work right now and a close friend is hospitalized with COVID-19. I'm going to try tp update when I can but please be patient. Stay safe, and have a nice day.


	7. sorry

I want to finish this. So sometime soonish, there'll be a really, really long chapter that wraps things up a bit more. I've lost motivation, I'm not feeling well, and my friend hasn't really gotten any better. Stay safe guys. Another final chapter coming soon.


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